Wait On Me

My Princess…
WAIT ON ME

Wait on Me, My princess. My timing is always perfect. I know you’re anxious about many things, and I see your passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as a vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so too am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don’t run ahead of Me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you, and your dreams will wither away. Trust me that My dreams for you are far greater then you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to Me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring you the sweetest of rewards.

Love,
Your King and Lord of perfect timings


BUT THOSE WHO WAIT ON THE LORD WILL FIND NEW STRENGTH. THEY WILL FLY HIGH ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES. THEY WILL RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY. THEY WILL WALK AND NOT FAINT.
ISAIAH 40:31


I got this letter from my niece's book this past Sunday, Love letters from Your King. Out of the many letters that I read, this is one that really spoke to me.

It's about timing, and waiting on Him. It seems I'm off every one's timing lately. Poor timing.
And isn't it SO like me, to be so headstrong, so driven, so strong willed, that I just don't stop, even when told to do so? Instead of taking heed, nope....Tara goes full speed ahead, head first!! LOL There's nothing that will stop me......even people TELLING flat out. I'm always ten miles ahead of everyone, including God. I'm learning....I'm getting there...

Sometimes when I think that this quality about myself is a strength ....I am quickly made to realize that in fact, it may be my biggest weakness. (read my Relentless posting and you'll get an idea of what I'm talking about)

I wonder if God just laughs at me sometimes, sitting up there watching me fight and fight and fight.....just waiting for me to exhaust myself...waiting for me, watching me walk into one wall after another and still not giving up...waiting for me to stop trying on my own...waiting for me to give it to Him, totally, completely, full surrender.

I don't want God waiting for me anymore. I need to wait on Him. I've got it all backwards.

So here I am, trying to take 50 steps backwards.....and it's hard, and it hurts, and I'm tired. Things don't make sense, and I'm trying to walk by faith and not by sight. But my faith wavers. I feel about as inconsistent as the Northeast weather patterns lately. But I do know, that I'm done trying, there's absolutely nothing I can do, and I've known that. Doesn't make it easier, but I know that and I believe that half of the battle is knowing, seeing, and accepting the truth.

I think if I wasn't so 'all or nothing' about everything..I wouldn't be here in the first place. It's my theory on everything. And I hate it. It makes my life incredibly difficult. I've always been that way with friendships, relationships, with EVERYTHING. It's something I've been praying for lately for God to change in me, because I know I'm supposed to have a balance. 'All or nothing' is NOT healthy. I don't want to be this way, I HATE IT!

Well now for the first time, I'm faced with a situation, where due to circumstances, 'all' isn't possible, and I don't want 'nothing'. In fact, the thought of 'nothing' makes me cry. 'Nothing' is the absolute last thing that I want. So I need to get myself to that in between stage. The hard part is though, I don't know how, I've never done this, but I'm trying. I'm doing all I can, all I know how. It's so easy for me to just shut people out, entirely. It's what I'm used to doing, it's all I've ever done in the past. But I don't want to do this in this situation.

I hate waiting, patience has never been a strength of mine. Everything I do is fast. I talk fast. I eat fast. I drive fast. I want fast results. You get the point. But God's timing is not mine. So, I'm being obedient, I'm doing what I have to do not only to please Him, but to get myself to a 'happy medium'. My fear of God is much greater then my biggest current fear: losing someone completely, for good. I am trying to realize that's out of my control, I can't do anything about that if that happens. The thought of it crushes me, but again....nothing I can do.

But meanwhile, God....could it be a little easier? Could I at least get some answers so I'm not sitting here in complete and total confusion, misunderstanding, and wondering? Again, here's the waiting theme. I may never know any answers. I just have to be content in knowing the One Who Knows, and trust that in HIS timing everything will be pulled together perfectly. More perfectly then I could ever do on my own.


Freddie, you might as well leave your comment for me. :) I'm convinced that out of the 200+ times this has been viewed....you and I account for about....well......let's just take the number and subtract it by like 5. Because I know of at least 5 instances that other people have been here. hahaha The rest is us. We're awesome.

Tears feel so useless sometimes. The only thing they are truly good for is to release emotion that has no other way to escape, but by turning into liquid and running down your face.

It doesn't matter how many tears you cry. It doesn't change a thing. It can't take back the words spoken that you didn't mean. It can't take back the stupid thing you did that you wish you could take back. It can't change anything. It can't change someone's mind. It can't bring someone back.
What's done is done. No tear cried can change it.

So then what's the purpose? Why don't they stop? Why does it feel like bullets being purged from my tiny tear ducts?

Useless. But still unrelenting.......

Scandalous?

So apparently this is what happens when you introduce your two best friends to one another.....they are now hanging out together, WITHOUT ME!

AND wearing each other's lip gloss!! HAHAHA

Scandalous!

Okay I admit, I took the picture, I was there too. I'd love to say the lip gloss statement was false also, but that speaks for itself. :)

This is to both of you, though. You guys have been there through thick and thin and I truly am blessed to have you two in my life. You never have judged me, you never get sick of me, and you are always there for me. I don't know how you guys do it. And I'm super excited that now we have a trio.

Ride or die!

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

For those of you who don't speak ghetto and don't know what ride or die means.....

Well, it has three meanings. And it's nothing to throw around loosely, it takes A LOT of earned respect to get there.

1. Literally, ride...or die. It's a motorcyclist term.

2. To be down with your friend/bf/gf no matter what, through it all, the good and the bad.

3. Conjunction of the phrases "ride it out" and "die trying". In other words you're down for whatever, even if it kills you.

OK I hope you guys don't ask me to do anything that will kill me? You know I thrive in dangerous fight or flight situations so please don't take advantage of that. Just kidding. My loyalty and what I'd do for those I love, is pretty limitless. You need me...HOLLA!!

But if we're going to rob a bank, just make sure I'm wearing my Timb's, k?

And make sure Freddie has on Carhartts. Wait...what are Carhartts?

No Air- Jordin Sparks n Chris Brown

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Slept on an air bed for the first time in my life last night. And yes, I have to sleep with a fan on for background noise. But I can't have it pointed on me.
Anyway.
Last night was AWESOME. My niece had her world competition for color guard in Ohio. My brother-in-law went with the team to Ohio, and my sister stayed back in NY. She invited my other sister and I over for the night. We hung out, pigged out, laughed til we peed, and well....in all of my 26 years, that was the first time we have ever done something like that. I'm really happy we got to do that cause who knows if it will ever happen again. Very special!

We just had a HUGE breakfast and I just drank way too much coffee so I'm sitting here with tons of anxiety and feel like I could go run a marathon. I'm mad hyper. Everyone is reading the paper right now. And well, eh, you all know me.

Shelby, congratulations! 6th place in the World Color Guard Championship! You did awesome and I am so proud of you. It was so cool being able to watch it streamed over the internet, but wish I was there to see it in person. I'm currently on your laptop, and as you can see, I used your fan last night so thanks for that. I may have also stole a piece of chocolate out of your Easter basket. And used your Proactiv. And your hand lotion. And your head band. And pillow.
So, thanks.
:)


Gotta get a move on. Heather's coming over for dinner at 5, concert at 7.
See ya'll there.

Heading downtown on my way to work this morning, I was pleasantly greeted with this rainbow. It was directly over the tower, and spanned to where I park. It was gorgeous.
Quickly snapped me out of the crappy mood I was in!

Waiting for Angela to get here, we're going motorcycle shopping. YAY!

It's beautiful outside!

Today was a VERY exciting, noteworthy day in Albany. Upon our usual daily walk to the plaza, we discovered that one of the three fountains were being filled up. (pic on top)

This is probably the one and only day that you can actually see to the bottom.

I don't quite know the purpose of the bottom pic, there is still no water in that one. I guess because it's awesome that I get to see this every day. I am so bummed our office is moving to Menands in a few months. Going to miss downtown in the summer HUGELY.

Ang is here!

Another MINI Rally

This is the biggest reason that I'm going to miss having a MINI Cooper. They have so many events every summer and it's all free. This is the latest, and I cannot wait! I'm SOO THERE!
I think I can take up to three people so if anyone is interested holla! (ABC I know you're in)
Better yet.......IT'S ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
In case you've never been on a rally....it consists of around 100+ MINI Coopers meeting up at Keeler MINI in Latham. Police block the roads off to let us all out on the road at the same time so we can get to the highway together. Then it's pretty much anything goes out there until we reach the destination. It's a blast and usually a great bunch of people. And again, IT'S ALL FREE!
This one's actually huge though.
Here's the email I got from Keeler.

2008 MINI's ON TOP

It's that time again for MINI's on Top! To all of my MINI Customers here are the details you've been waiting for!

"On the road to MINIsOnTop 2008 that is!
This year's premier gathering of MINIs and their contents spills out on to the lot at Loon Mountain June 28th with some new twists and some old turns. Here are a few highlights:

Under "New" check out:
The Dover Police Department and the "Seatbelt Convincer"From the Convincer website - "The system enables a passenger to experience the actual force generated during a low speed collision and the value of the restraint provided by the seat belt. Once passengers experience the force generated during a 5 mph collision, a new respect is gained for the protection that seat belts can provide." You have to sign a release and everything! How cool is that?


Ivan Sever's slow speed precision driving event.
It's called "DSL" and there is an extra prize if you can figure out what that means. How well can you control all 12' of your MINI? And can you do it with an audience?? Can you do it in reverse??? Oh yeah - We'll be watching...

Take a turn as these return:
Josh Wardell and the Concours d'Elegance. What shape is your MINI in? Cleanest? Dirtiest? Most Creative Display? Best Electronics or Sound? Best Performance Mods? Best Overall(s)? Let the audience be the judge!

Let Lincoln High wash your MINI.
Get the road dirt off so you can look good twisting down the Kancamagus Scenic Byway and Bear Notch Road and help out the senior class of Lincoln High at the same time.

The Great MINI Boot Sale.
A maximum amount of bargains in a MINImum of space! If it can be carried in a MINI's boot then you might find it for sale (and you know it will fit for the drive home).

Remember the Loon Gondola Skyride will be running again, too!

The Loon lot is just the start of a day long fill of MINI fun! There are scenic drives through the beautiful White Mountains National Forest, a BBQ where door-prizes galore are given out and the drawing for the 2 year lease on a MINI Clubman from Herb Chambers MINI of Boston is drawn before we motor for a sunset on top of New England via the Mt Washington Auto Road. The day ends with a Gala Get-Together at the Town & Country Motor Lodge sponsored by MINI of Peabody perfect for trading tales and cocktails with fellow MOTers.

But you must register first - or all this (and really much, much more) will pass you by.

Registration closes May 5th - Only a month away.
Go to www.minisontop.com and download the registration form now!

Michael Smith Public Relations
- MINIsOnTopmichael@minisontop.com(508) 397-2587
" Best Regards, Andrea MonzoKeeler MINI

It's officially spring and motorcycles are now on the road. And I'm insanely jealous.

So in honor of this, I wanted to showcase two of the hottest bikes put on the road for 2008.

Greetings to the 2008 BMW HP2 Sport, and the 2008 Ducati Desmosedici RR.

Please, don't misunderstand me, I'm not making a comparison between the two. That would be like trying to compare fruity and minty gum, and we all know as previously discussed, that it IS NOT possible.

Coming in at around 26k, the BMW boasts 130 hp and blah blah blah, and a MotoGP inspired cockpit that computes lap times and other racing data. OOooh I like that! Extra buttons to play with. FUN!

Ok you know what, I am WRONG to even put these two in the same post.

This Ducati is going to cost you $72,500, and they are only releasing 300 in the USA to top-performing Ducati dealers. They are naming this bike, "The Mother of All Ducatis". This Ducati has the world’s first production desmodromic V4, which makes 200 hp at 13,800 rpm.
Ya know what, I cannot tell you what that means, but I can assure you that I would be in a coffin if I ever got on this thing.

A girl can dream, can't she???

Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera VS Ducati 1098

When are cars going to learn that they CANNOT BEAT A MOTORCYCLE?? Stupid, stupid vehicles. This is one of my favorite things to witness in the summer time on the road. Some punk in some souped up Honda...Oops I mean Acura, with an exhaust pipe bigger then it's engine...rollin' up next to a sports bike at a light, and trying to race the bike.

Ahh...you my friend, make life on the road worth living!!

Oh and can someone join me in the thrill of watching the bike zoom past the car on the straight....because....nevermind I can't finish that sentence.

There is this hill on some land out by my parents that I have been dying to go to the top of since they have moved there about a year ago. However, due to my fear of snakes, wild animals, being in the country, and mud, I have yet to go there.

Today I risked it all for some peace and quiet. By risking it all, I of course mean swatting off the honey bee that tried to sting me as I was sitting there. (that's dangerous you know!) Now really, you must be proud of me. I not only went alone, but I walked through an ample amount of mud. And I didn't even care! I even left my celly behind.

It was just me, my journal, the sun, my camera, and some really cool sights, which these pics do an awful job of capturing.

Shelby I know I missed your competition today, I apologize! I had all intentions of being there....I just couldn't.

I also have six voice mails that I've yet to listen to, and I'm going to be honest, I'm not calling anyone back. So I might as well apologize for that too.

To my 1 am phone caller......I think you were speaking in another language?

Can anyone guess my eye color? Yeah...me neither.

Day In Vermont

Due to round one of dengue, I missed Nicki's last day at the Canker. So today I ventured off to Bennington to see her, Lisa, and the POD (pile of dog). Although the truth came out on the phone this morning....the real reason I went was to see the dogs. Shhhh!!! I had to deliver her special gift that I had ordered for her new office at the hospital. Nicki Skipper, Rock Star, CTR. She loved it, I was so glad!

Due to my complete inability to find my way ANYWHERE, they saved me the time of getting lost and just picked me up at Camelot Village. Then they took me out to lunch and I hung out at their house for a while and we got to chat and catch up. Most importantly, I got to spend some quality time with the dogs. There are four dogs and a cat. As soon as you sit down they are all over you. I LOVE IT!!!

I was spoiled the whole day! Thanks for everything (lunch, fresh roasted coffee, biscotti), I really appreciate it. I had a great time.

I'm actually being wise and denied the requests to hang out tonight. I am just sitting home alone on my couch. I honestly have not one ounce of energy left at this point. Looking forward to doing nothing.....starting NOW!

Woke up to this picture waiting for me on my phone! Thanks Mom, this made my morning.

Benjamin's little head is in the background too. But Snoopus.....TOO CUTE!

Sick Day/Third Day

I was able to get in with a Dr so I left work at 10:30. Hey, I at least worked 3.5 hours. Can't believe I'm sick all over again. OK I can because I'm so incredibly stubborn and refuse to rest.

So I got home from my appointment, and Angela texted me that she was home for the day, so well...hmm.... sleep and rest OR Angela's house??
Angela's house, duh. Went there and hung out for a little while. On my way home, Brittany called cause she wanted to come over to hang out before we went to the concert. SURE, why not? Who needs sleep?

We left at 5 to go to the Palace Theater to meet the Victory crew. Bought our tickets and found out that we couldn't get in until 6:30. So I got to stand out in the cold and rain for an hour, sick.
Brilliant!

Concert was good. Great lineup. Divine, DecembeRadio, Sanctus Real, and Third day.
OK, want honesty?? I was so out of it because I felt so crappy, that the entire thing was a blur.