Home finally...

As most of you know, I have spent the past four days in the hospital. I was there from Thursday until tonight. They were actually going to keep me until Tuesday, but somehow I saw a different Dr and he felt I'd be more relaxed at home. I can't go back to work for a week and barely have the strength to walk ten feet.

It was definitely odd/depressing/confusing, spending your birthday in the hospital. But I really can't complain, I am beyond blessed and probably had more visitors in my private room, in the history of Samaritan Hospital.

I still don't really think they even know what the heck I have/had, but their 'theory', was poison ivy, turned cellulitis, turned systemic poisoning. Even the woman from Infectious Diseases seemed kinda perplexed. LOL
My arm actually almost resembles an arm again. As some of you have seen, my arm was double in size and bright red and streaky from my wrist up to my shoulder.

Have tons of pics and videos to come, I'm so drugged up right now I'm seeing double.

Sleepy time........

I'll be home all week, please visit.
And no, I'm not contagious.
Thank you everyone for everything, I truly feel beyond blessed.

My new favorite shirt!

Ain't that some truth!!!
compliments of Ang, for my BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!

ROD

as soon as my arm returns to normal size and doesn't look like I have a bad case of leprosy, I'm TOTALLY wearing it!!!

Leave it to T...

I'm currently home, day #2 with poison SOMETHING. Doctor wasn't quite sure, however after looking at pics, I'm almost 100% sure it's poison oak.
I have the highest pain tolerance of anyone I know....and this is literally crippling me. I haven't slept in days which is making me so over-emotional that I can't even talk to someone without sobbing my eyes out. My poor mom came over yesterday and sat here and watched me cry for almost two hours, and finally she said, "Would you just go to bed!!".....I think the final breaker for her, was when it went to...AND LOOK AT HOW FAT I AM!!! I guess if anything makes you feel unattractive, it would be disgusting lesions all over your arm.

Ok before you think I'm a wuss and way over dramatic.....let me explain. It's on my arm...which I guess I could somewhat deal with (pain level 10/10 and it's giving me chills down my spine).....but IT'S IN MY EAR.
Don't ask. I have NO idea. So umm...yeah...not to be gross..but its like draining, and its going down my ear canal causing excruciating pain all down my neck and across my head. I'm on antibiotic/steroid ear drops, and I can't take systemic steroids cause I'm allergic, so I'm on topical steroids. But the ear pain is nearly unbearable.

I kinda feel like tearing some one's knee caps off, or kicking someone in the shins.
I'm sure in like a week, I'm going to be laughing at all of this. Like seriously, WHO THE FRIG GETS POISON IVY IN THEIR EAR?????? This WILL be funny to me soon.
But right now....umm NOT so much. I kinda feel like going through the woods and killing every plant that's alive, just for fun. Like going in with some Round Up and just spraying an entire forest down or something.

My birthday is Saturday and all I can think of is that I'm going to look like a freak and no one's going to want to be near me.


I'd love to put up a picture of what my arm looks like right now....but I'll spare those who are super sensitive and puke easy. Although, I did send a few of you a pic on my phone, in which I've gotten these responses:

1. ewww...now THAT does not look like poison ivy........um please stay away. I showed everyone in the office the picture, they told you to stay home you look diseased.
-Freddie

2. ew OMG
-Ang

3. EWWW EWWWW I'm so sorry that has to be so painful. (yup IT IS)
-Mom

4. Please don't send me a pic of it
-Deb Ferris

5. That is freakin nasty.
-Deb B

6. What did the doctor do, a shot or anything?
-Sue

Thank you everyone for your love and support. hahah

And as I said, I WILL be laughing at this...just not there yet.

Brittany's response upon stopping by and witnessing this first hand: Can't we just pop those? Can I bring you to the hospital?
I honestly think she handled the visuals of this way better then I am because I want to throw up.

Well, long sleeves are going to be my best friend for the next couple days, possibly weeks.
And umm....I'm going to look terrible on my birthday Saturday.

Largest Trucker Rally In The History Of NYS 6/19/08

As you may have heard on the news, Thursday was the largest trucker rally ever to occur in NYS. Hundreds of trucks/truckers rallied together to the Capitol (across the street from my work) to protest the ridiculous fuel prices. Their goal was to all lay on their horns at once until the governor came out, as you see/hear in the video. So around 10 am, Freddie and I anxiously RAN down the stairs to get outside to witness this. It was HYSTERICAL. I believe every single state worker was lined up along the streets. I mean, it was after all, a monumental event in history; we HAD to be a part of it.

So after soaking in all we could tolerate of the loud horns, we went back in to ‘work’, highly anticipating 12 o’clock so we could go out there for an hour. I texted everyone, telling them that I WAS going to get a picture with at least one trucker. That was my goal. Hey, after all, I want a man who wants to travel extensively and well, I guess I can’t be picky and want someone with teeth too, can I? So I found this guy, in which I immediately KNEW was the man I needed my picture was. Lacking the uhh…guts….Freddie went up to him and asked if I could get my picture with him. I believe it was love at first sight? So I sent the pix to everyone, proving that I AM a woman of my word. I do deliver what I say I will. The best part has to be how we both have the pic of me and my new man up as our background on our large screens at work, so coming in this morning and that popping up all big and proud, made my day. What’s even greater, is when you send the picture to people and don’t explain anything, send just the picture. Take note of my NYS ID on my hip too.

Awww do we have to move to Menands? We’re going to miss out on ALL of this stuff. :(

Today at work, knowing that I would not be home from Thursday til Monday night except but to sleep, I asked Freddie to write up a brief recap of the event. Enjoy.

Truckers

By Freddie Zielinski

Trucks, cigarettes, beards, diesel fumes, horns, shameless quotes on t-shirts and hats. This basically sums up the Truckers Rally that occurred right here, in downtown Albany.

Tara and I were like two kids on Christmas morning, waiting atop the stairs to go down and see all the gifts that had been brought. We weren’t quite sure what to expect for the truckers protest. Possibly not dressed appropriately for the occasion, but wearing grins on our faces we descended down the elevators, just imagining what might be happening out the doors that now lay ahead of us. As we approached the glass doors, each trying to get the first peak, my head perked up like a deer in the woods, “TARA!” I yelled. “Do you hear that?!” I ran a few paces ahead of my bamboozled friend. Her bewilderment quickly manifested into that of pure joy as I waved her outside the doors. She crashed through the turn-style doors, and stood there with me, drowning in an orchestra of truckers’ horns. We started walking amidst the thick noise and crowds of chaos. Ducking the camera phones being held out, and walking around people with wide eyes fixed on the endless line of trucks, we almost had our own choreographed dance to the chaos. What we witnessed was over 100 trucks blowing their horns at free will to protest against the rising fuel/diesel prices. They were prepared to stay there all day. They wanted to ensure their voices…um, err….horns would be heard, and heard they indeed were. The governor had come out and addressed their problem.

Although the noisy pandemonium was silenced by the governor’s presence, there was still a protest afoot. We stood outside the Capital looking at the protest signs. Tara said, “Freddie, I need a picture with a trucker.” After she made this statement, I realized how true it was. It needed to happen. We spotted a true trucker. It was obvious that trucks ran through his veins. Next, I believe I heard Tara mention, “I want him to put his arm around me for the picture.” Quickly assessing that, I may have blurted out, “ARE YOU SURE?!” I mean, I’m all about getting this picture, but I just didn’t think by allowing that, I’d be putting my friend in a very safe situation. At that moment, I believe this all started sinking in for Tara. She became hungry, and quickly began eating the words she had just spoken. I wasn’t about to allow this to occur. I grabbed her phone, and approached this man, who proudly lives his life on the road. With profanity on his hat, and a shirt that read, “Good ‘ol boys”, I kindly asked, “Um, Hi. Can my friend get a picture with you in front of your sign?” Puzzled, he complied. Tara got up there with him, and I snapped away.

It actually turned out to be informative, and I would feel guilty if I didn’t provide these facts that he taught us:

· Gas is cheaper in states other than NY

· It costs around $995 to fill up a tank of gas, which only lasts about 1.5 days

· It costs around $4,500 to go across country

With these numbers, truckers are no longer making any profit for the work they do.

*URGENT* PLEASE PRAY/HELP

If you have watched the news since yesterday, I'm sure you've heard about a massive fire in East Greenbush on Best Road. That was the house that Angela lived in. Her entire apartment, and the entire house is leveled. She lost everything, including Zeke (her cat which was her BABY). The Calderone family, who owned the whole thing, also lost everything.

It was the worst thing I've ever seen. I was at the scene from about 4-9:30 and even at 9:30 they were still trying to keep the fire from starting up again and again. Fire crews were there until around midnight. There were more then eight fire departments that were there.

She lost absolutely everything, I just.....there are no words at this point.

Around 8 o'clock, she went walking around and we all got a text....I FOUND MY BIBLE!

I had goosebumps. Then she walked over with it. Sure it's burnt on the outside, but the Word inside is still there, perfectly legible. The verse that kept running through my mind was 1 Peter 1:24-25:

"All men are like grass,

and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of the Lord stands forever."

The link to a newscast of this is:

http://capitalnews9.com/content/top_stories/118004/fire-destroys-east-greenbush-home/Default.aspx

I feel sick, I can't even believe this happened to her.

Please keep Angela and the Calderone family in your prayers and thoughts. If you want to help out in any way, either contact me, or Angela, or stop into the family shop, Angie B's, in Rennselaer.

God is so faithful..

I hope you all have read last week's posts about finding my new church (Redeeming Love Gospel Church), and the one about my discouragement after working with the teens last Wednesday night. If not, go back and read them, and then come back.

I was REALLY struggling with going to work with the teens tonight. I did NOT want to go. I was thinking, what the heck am I doing there? Last time I literally just stood around and talked with a few of the teens and felt extremely awkward and intimidated. I realized today though, that I think half of that awkwardness was due to the fact that Matt never introduced me to the kids. So everyone was probably sitting there wondering who the heck I was and what the heck was I doing there. Before I went tonight I came to the conclusion that it was one of two things:
1. It's exactly where God wants me in ministry, so all opposition that can come at me, WILL.
or
2. I'm way off and it's not where He wants me.
And well, there's only one way to find out; KEEP GOING!

OK lemme start from the beginning of the night. Bible study starts at 6, so this week I decided to go to that before youth group. I actually was really looking forward to that. It's pretty much free form. Someone will bring up a verse or a topic that they want to dig into, and things just happen from there. It was actually pretty cool. I sat next to Pastor Mike, who was mediating it. He is mad cool. Probably in his early 40s, and his 2 daughters are the two girls I met first last week and really loved.

I've been praying lots lately for wisdom and direction in EVERY area in my life. Right now I'm in this weird place, where not one thing in my life makes sense. I do not understand anything. So there's no other option but to throw my hands in the air and say, "God I trust You, just guide me and give me direction, You are in control." A couple of the things I've been praying about, is:
1. Obviously, is this the church He wants me at.
2. Am I really supposed to be working with the teens or was I WAYYY off.
3. My lease on my MINI is up in about 6 months and I have NO idea what to get next and whether or not I should lease again, buy, etc.

Right after Bible study (6-7 pm and youth group is 7-9), as I was walking outside to find the kids, I was talking to Pastor Mike. He asked if the MINI Cooper was mine. I said yeah, and he was asking if I liked it, yada yada. Come to find out, he has an Audi S8. I almost passed out. He too, is a European car enthusiast. He's had Porsche's, Audi's, Beemers. He's also a car salesman part time. He gets BMWs fresh out of leases, that are in perfect condition, full warranty still, and sells them. (Audi's and Porsche's and Benz's and others, too). As most of you know, my next car was going to be a BMW. He said he buys them and because they're 2 or 3 years old, 20k or more comes right off. He's going to talk to me within the upcoming months about my options and he's going to see what car he can get for me! YAY!! No more leases, I'll actually be buying it to own..

Then as we were talking about cars, Matt came by and told him the weather forecast for tomorrow. I asked him where they were going. He told me they are part of the 46ers. For those of you who don't know what that is, there are 46 peaks in the Adirondacks and there's a club called the 46ers and their goal is to climb all of them. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? This is EXACTLY what I wanted to do. I've been researching it, and if you've been reading, you know about my new found love for nature and my extreme desire to start hard core hiking. So he told me they go in groups, and meet up with other people from other churches and stuff too.
I nearly passed out at this point. Lately I've been feeling kinda bummed because I really want to hike, but have no one to go with. WOW! Two huge things in a row.

Then he went inside cause he was going to intercessory prayer from 7-9.

At this point, all the teens were scattered around outside. I went up to one of the groups and stayed with them from 7-8, the whole time we were outside. It went really good. I really had to press through though, but I definitely in time see some awesome relationships formed with some of them. But I'm not going to lie, it's not going to be easy. I could see myself easily becoming discouraged, but I just keep fighting it.

I came inside with them all for praise and worship, and started talking to Stacey, Matt's wife. Come to find out, she eats all organic food, only feeds her kids all organic too. She eats a diet free of wheat, glutens, and dairy. She basically eats the same things I do. As all of you know, this is a topic I could talk about for hours. It's up there with European cars. We sat talking about this stuff for about a half an hour before we all left.

But wow.......God is so faithful. I went literally dreading tonight. Before I went, I prayed for Him to show me (even though I already feel He has), if this is where He truly wants me. And it was like BAM, one thing after another....
I know just because the Pastor likes European cars, and is part of the 46ers, and another woman likes organic food.....I know that may not mean a lot to some of ya's. But for me...it was exactly what I needed, a confirmation.

I'm pretty excited right now about all of this. I've literally been hanging on by a thread lately, just waiting for a breakthrough, waiting for an answer, ANY answer to ANYTHING right now. And as usual, He was faithful.


oh and PS.....I think Freddie and I signed up for the Air Force today at lunch.
more details to come......

Top 11 Reasons You Know You're PMSing

1. You wake up in the morning, and immediately start crying.

2. First thing in the morning (after you just cried), you write a post, " I think I'm deleting my blog", and at that moment, you're 100% serious. You really don't even know the reason why you want to delete it, but at that moment it's the only logical thing that there is to do.

3. You're in Rite Aid looking at graduation cards for your nephew, who is now turning 18 and graduating high school, and in the background "How Do I Live Without You" starts playing, and you start crying. Right in the middle of the store, tears.

4. You're driving around, and out of no where you decide that you have to move. Move to the south, or out of the country. Like NOW. Not tomorrow, not the next day. NOW. You must move NOW.

5. You email this to someone:
I'm so hungry I could eat anything that's not moving. And even if it is moving, I'd kill it and then eat it.

6. You were just talking with a co-worker, had a bag of carrots in your hand, and in the course of the 5 minute conversation, you ate half the bag of carrots and didn't even realize it. And you weren't even hungry. (Freddie, was i just spitting carrots all over you while I was talking? I sure hope so)

7. 10 people emailed you, and you have zero desire to write any of them back. After all, everyone hates you anyway, don't they?

8. Either that's a different mirror then the one you looked in yesterday, or the person looking back is NOT you. It's someone who suddenly gained 50 pounds and got extremely ugly.

9. There's tornado watches up for your area, and honestly, you just don't care. But just in case, you ask your friend to text you if one is about to come because at that last moment you may want to spare yourself.

10. You slept 10 hours last night. Why are you still tired?

11. You just cried. Again.....

I'm trying to decide whether or not to delete this whole blog, or to continue with it?
I feel like it's kinda pointless......

I'm just gonna let ya'll draw your own conclusions...

No Parking?

After recently meeting someone who's in the Navy, and him telling me that it's detestable to them for people to wear camo....I won't wear it anymore.
However...when Freddie walked in, and him and Ang matched, I totally had to take a pic.
Aww, my two favorite hotties! You guys look adorable. MWAH**


OK I know this is random and completely unrelated, but can I be honest right now?
I don't want to go to the Christian Music Fest tomorrow.
I want to go hiking, all day. I want to go up north and hike, and possibly never come back.
Now I'm being a drama queen, lemme stop........

Top 6 noteworthy moments of the night....

1. Woman comes in, gets 2 ice creams and asks for a bowl of water for her dog.
Angela: What kind of dog do you have?
Woman: Cocker spaniel
Angela: Aww well we'll help you carry this stuff out and come see your dog. Her and I are big dog people. (pointing at me)
Me: No, actually I'm a little dog person Ang, you like big dogs...I like little dogs.
Angela: Yeah, I know, but we're BIG DOG PEOPLE. Like we really like dogs.
Me: oh.

2. Freddie totally surprised us and came to visit.
Favorite quote from him: I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do right now.
Asparagus pee?

3. One of the regulars, a teenage boy:
Him: I need a lot of ice cream
Ang: Why?
Him: I got dared to eat a cup of hot sauce today at lunch, so I did it. It hasn't come out yet so I'm afraid of what's going to happen when it does. I figure if I eat each cream it should cool it down.
Me: Have you done this before? Is this regular for you?
Him: No, I have no idea what is about to happen.
Me, as he's leaving: Well good luck with everything, hope it all comes out OK....

4. Customers came in, asked for root beer floats.
Ang makes them, I guess the recipe calls for chocolate syrup.
Ang is busy, so woman takes it up with me.
Woman: I asked for a root beer float NOT chocolate syrup
Me: Ok, I apologize, I'll go talk to Ang, she's helping someone else out right now. As soon as she's done, she'll make you a new one.
Woman: I didn't ask for chocolate syrup
Me: Yup, I got that. As soon as she's done she'll make you a new one.
(repeat 5X)
Ang: Here's your new one, no chocolate syrup
Woman: I didn't ask for chocolate syrup
Ang: The recipe calls for it
Woman: Well if I had a chocolate allergy I could be in anaphylactic shock right now
Ang: Oh are you allergic to chocolate?
Woman: No, but if I was....

5.
Angela's father: Tara I'm grilling steak do you want some?
Me: No thanks, I just had dinner before I came.
Him: You sure?
Me: Yeah, I'm all good. I'm full.
10 minutes later, he comes in with 2 steaks, one for Ang, one for me.
Mine was gone in about 3 minutes flat.

6. Me, once again, trying to work Saran wrap.

Friday night, Angie B's

Come see me! I found out that my first night on the register last Friday night, I was only off $1.
Sad part is...I know exactly where that dollar slip-up happened. Someone handed me a quarter AFTER I had entered the amount. It totally screwed me all up and I didn't know what to do. LOL
Since then, Freddie has told me that whenever they hand you extra money after, that amount is what you owe the person on TOP of whatever the total comes up. So that should help me.

Ever since I took Calculus I, II, and III.....I lost all basic math skills. It's really sad and embarrassing. So not only do I have no idea how to do calculus crap anymore, I no longer have any idea how to do basic math.

GREAT!!

Lots going on tomorrow:
Greek Fest in Troy on River Street.
Christian Music Fest at the Crooked Lake House in Averill Park 3-? $12 admission.

Here's what my plans are.
Going to the Greek Fest around 1 to eat and walk around quickly. Yup. Sad. It's about food.
Then heading to the music fest.

Call/Text......HOLLA!

*Correction

I have to make a correction so there's no misunderstanding.....I was never actually IN a gang.
I guess the way I had written that, it could sound like I actually was.

Last night with the teens.....

As you all know from my Redeeming Love post, last night was my first night going to the teen/youth group. I'll be honest, instead of leaving pumped up, I instead was fighting discouragement.

I got there a little early, and as I walked in there was a girl sitting in there doing some homework. I went up to her and started talking to her. She introduced herself; her name was Julia, she's in 8th grade and was studying for her finals. She was adorable, happy, bubbly, so excited that I was there even though she had no idea WHY I was there. I loved it. Then her sister came out, and she introduced me to her. They are PKs (Pastors kids), of one of the three Pastors that are there.

Then Matt and Joe (Jason wasn't there) got there. There were about fifteen kids there and four of us adults. For the first half hour, the boys were outside skateboarding and playing basketball and the girls were inside looking at all of their yearbooks. I stayed outside with the boys and the leaders watching the boys skateboard. Then everyone gathered in the sanctuary and Matt brought up topics that he wanted everyone to pray about for fifteen minutes. He started off and then it was open mic for whoever wanted to come up and pray. Wow, these kids can pray. Then there was some praise and worship. The songs were awesome, Hillsong, Jason Upton, and others. Then Matt finished up with a brief message on faith from the book of Hebrews.

So why was I discouraged? I think twelve out of the fifteen kids there were all Pastor's kids. I felt like I should be the one sitting down, and having them teach ME about the Bible, how to pray, etc. I was HUGELY intimidated. They all have grown up in church, all are believers, go to private Christian schools, PK's, and just well....seem to have it all put together. I honestly have no idea what I have to offer them???

I too, accepted Christ as my savior at the very early age of 5 or 6. I was brought up in Sunday school and church. Then, not too long after that, I sort of went my own way. Once I was a teen, I only went to church because I was forced to go. I hated my parents for it, I wanted to sleep on Sundays. Youth group?? PLEASE! I had nothing to do with that. I went twice that I can remember. During both times, I started trouble with the girls because I hated girls, and flirted with all the boys. I had a thing for finding the rebellious boy in the group and going after him. (I'm not proud of this, just telling how it was) So now I'm here in this youth group last night trying to figure out what the heck am I doing here? I sort of felt like a hypocrite.

In 6th grade I got caught up in the wrong crowd. My school started taking in troubled youths from NYC and those were the kids that I hung out with. My friends had guns, knives, brass knuckles, and weed in their lockers. Some of the kids were associated with some gangs I'll leave unnamed, from NYC. I was dating these boys, too. One of the boys I dated is now in jail for life for killing his girlfriend just a couple of years ago. The gang life THRILLED me. I loved it, something about that sense of belonging and family and toughness, I loved it.

Funny though, because even though I was always AROUND trouble, I was never IN trouble. I never really did anything bad. When I look back I see a million ways that even though I wasn't following Him, He was still protecting me. I remember one time my friend didn't want to get caught with weed, so he shoved it down my shirt and I was forced to walk around with it for a little while. I didn't know what the heck to do with it. I WAS ONLY 12!!!!!

There's one really disturbing incident that occurred, I'm NOT sharing on here, that made my parents take me out and put me in a private school, Catholic Central High School. I was so mad, I did NOT want to go to a CATHOLIC school. I was NOT Catholic. I started there in 7th grade.

First day of class, 7th grade at Catholic Central High School. Initial reaction? WHAT THE HECK IS THIS??? These people looked like they were 10 years old, and naive and all rich and spoiled and prim and proper and perfect and just dumb. People were scared of me, I was the tough girl, I guess I portrayed that image? Who did I befriend? The troubled girls who were there because they were kicked out of their schools and no one wanted them, so they were there as a last resort. Eventually they got kicked out of there too, leaving me there with pretty much no one.

Then I started hanging out with all of the boys in my neighborhood, and they were all my best friends. I basically went to school because I had to, and would leave. I wasn't involved in anything and didn't want to be. Believe it or not though, I consistently had overall averages of 92 and higher from grades 8-12. I was mad smart and always did my work. I have no idea what the heck happened to me, how I became so umm...not smart. LOL

Anyway, I'm leaving my story off here, maybe someday I'll talk about all of the in between stuff.
My point is, at age 12-14, I was running with gangs, smoking cigarettes, doing things with boys that kids at that age should not even know about, cursing all the time, including around my parents, and playing the role of tough girl so no one would mess with me.

I'm actually afraid that this may be a little too raw to share on here. But I guess it's my life and my past. And while writing all of this, I had a huge revelation. God had protected me through SO much. As I had said, I was always around trouble, it always thrilled me. But yet, I always had a good head on my shoulders, I was not a bad kid. I never did anything bad, I was just around it. God still had me. I may not have been holding on to Him, but He had me the whole time.

I am not proud of any of this by any means. Actually, sometimes I'm ashamed of it and it makes me feel like I'm never going to find a Christian guy who will like me because of it. Like, what kind of good Christian guy that has been truly following Christ all of his years, would like me? But I need to shake that off because it's a lie that the enemy is trying to get me to believe. Recently a good Christian guy DID like me, regardless of my past, regardless of the fact that he was never entangled in the crap that I was. I actually have to thank him for never judging me, never making me feel like my past made up who I am today, and never condemning me. So, I guess there IS hope.
OK now I'm getting emotional and I need to stop.
(By the way, I'm still under the effects of the anesthesia from earlier this morning. I never ended up taking a nap like I was directed to. Has anyone ever seen me try to take a nap? Has anyone ever seen me try to sit still for more then 5 minutes? I'll just go to bed early.)

Back to the point of my story. I left last night battling discouragement and great intimidation. I guess I was expecting to be around troubled kids, kids with problems, kids who don't have it all put together, kids who are faced with the tough situations of inner city schools. These are the kids I can witness and minister to. I just got off the phone with a friend and was telling her this, and she said, maybe God has you there because He wants you to learn from this? Wow, how true, didn't think of that.

I'm going to keep up with it. I am going to establish relationships with these teens. Who knows, in time when I get comfortable there, I may be able to start suggesting an outreach program down into South Troy and start pulling up some of those kids who desperately need Jesus.

I've since shaken off the discouragement and I trust that if this is where He wants me, it will all work out. And if not, I'll find what else He wants me to do.

OK, I just downloaded the new Jason Upton CD so I'm about to put that on and relax......

Samaritan Hospital- Endoscopy Day

Yes, I will admit. I specifically picked out an outfit for the endoscopy. I had it all ready last night. I believe this outfit is very versatile. This is me half asleep waiting for my dad to come pick me up.

I had a script for blood work that I needed done also, so as I was signing in I told the woman. Thinking that they could take the blood out from the IV thing once they put that in, I figured I'd get it all done in one 'shot' (pun kinda intended). But NOOOOO. Problem is, I only have one good vein, and that's in my left hand. I knew I'd need that for the IV. Luckily they only needed one vial so she said she thought this vein would hold out enough for that. And it did. So praise God.
Eww, that's a terrible color on me.
I told the nurse about my vein issues, and told her to try this one. It went in the first time, with ZERO problems, or pain. Every one's prayers for this definitely worked!

And there you have it. I'm currently drugged out and about to go pass out for the afternoon so I'm hoping this makes sense.

I'm kinda irritated because the doctor told me they'd go out to tell my dad the results and stuff because I'd be too drugged out but he totally didn't. He told me, while I was COMPLETELY out of it. I don't remember a word he told me. All I know is that according to my sign out sheet that I don't remember signing, I need to make an appointment for one month and biopsies were taken.

Thank you everyone for all of your prayers, they definitely were answered. God is faithful. To some, it may only be an endoscopy...but to me....to have to get an IV, and anything hospital related, terrifies me. So everything went well. I didn't allow fear to take over. Usually it takes about 4 tries alone to do an IV in me, and she got it the first!

And I gained 5 lbs. I know that's entirely random......but I'm really upset about it,

HAHAH I CAN'T WAIT to read all of this when I wake up.

Redeeming Love Gospel Church

As I mentioned in my last post, I believe I have found my new church! Let me back up and start from the beginning.
I do love Grace Fellowship, I believe it played a huge part in my life while I was there. However, I started to feel lost in a sea of 2,500 people. I was involved in small groups, but I still just feel like I had reached a dead end spiritually, and I want more...I want much deeper. I am looking for something more Spirit-lead. I also want something much smaller, with a family feeling. I want to feel like I belong.

I've always hated going to new places by myself. Don't know why? Maybe it's an underlying confidence issue? Anyway, doesn't matter I'm not here to talk about my insecurities right now. LOL So over the weekend of the 24th, I went to Grace on that Saturday night. I really had this desire to check out Redeeming Love Gospel Church in Troy, but I had no one to go with me. So I woke up that Sunday morning, I was determined to go, no matter what. I made myself go, alone. God has been stretching me in many ways lately, and I've been growing considerably, so praise Him for that!

I pulled in, it's like 1/8th of the size of Grace, and there wasn't a thousand cars. I walked in, was warmly greeted, and immediately asked if I was new there. I said yes, the woman welcomed me, and started talking to me. She asked me if I was a front or back row sitter. And as you all know, I'm a VERY last row sitter, for everything I go to. She walked back with me, I chose this seat over to the side in a row all the way to the back. I was completely out in the open where I sat, but I was OK with it. People were coming up to me, welcoming me, introducing themselves to me, talking to me. WOW! I was SO shocked, I'm not used to that. I guess in a smaller congregation they know who's new there. I had such a warm feeling.

Then this older woman in her 80's came in and sat in the same row as me. She came right over to me, hugged me, welcomed me, it was amazing. Her name is Eileen, and I'll never forget that, because she introduced herself as, "Hi, I'm Eileen, and I lean on Jesus". Then Eileen's daughter started talking with me, and she also was sitting with a woman that had just recently received Christ as her savior and had just started going there within the past month. So they asked me to move down next to them, and I did. YAY, now I wasn't sitting alone!

The praise and worship started. WOW, it was AWESOME! It was about 45 minutes long and SO powerful. They had a full band up on front, with awesome singers. The anointing was so strong, I was definitely touched! The message was by one of the three pastors that they have, Pastor Paul. The message was wonderful and the congregation was interactive. Love it! Then as he was closing, he was just about to start praying. You could tell he wasn't done. My heart started pounding, sounds crazy but I KNEW what was about to happen. He asked the sound booth if they'd be able to still record if he walked over to the side. I KNEW he was coming over to me. And He did. He shook my hand, asked if I was a visitor, I said yes. He asked if I was familiar with prophesy, and I was like YES I AM, and I receive!!! He had a word for me...WOW. It was entirely accurate and God spoke to me hugely. Then the congregation prayed over me.

So then the service ended, there's prayer up front if needed, and everyone stays around for coffee and snacks. Everyone was coming up to me again, welcoming me, and they were telling me that Pastor Paul doesn't do that often! Wow I was SO blessed, SO touched. I stayed for about an hour. I met a bunch of people who know my parents from a church they went to years ago. I felt like I belonged there. I was so comfortable and felt part of a family. I'm not used to that! But that's exactly what I was looking for. One of the woman went over to the sound booth with me so I could get the tape of the service with my prophecy on it so I could listen to it again.

I left, and was ON FIRE from the prophecy, and just the overall experience. Then I started to feel a little discouraged. (isn't that typical to get attacked after an experience like that?) I didn't see that many teens (as that's the area I feel called to serve in), and there was NO one my age there. There was tons of younger kids, I think more of them then adults. Then it skipped a generation, right up to like 40 something's. But I felt the Lord say, Well maybe you can do do something about it then! Wasn't too sure at that moment what that meant, but I think I do now.
However, I had to keep in mind, that it was Memorial Day weekend and I remember Pastor Rex once saying that's the week with the lowest church attendance.

So, I went back this Sunday, ALONE. Sat with Eileen again off to the side in the back. She's my new adopted grandmother. I walked in, and everyone remembered me, and was warmly welcomed again. There was a lot more people this week, including teens. But still no one my age (unmarried). But that's OK, I have all the friends I need right now. Again, praise and worship was so powerful and someone came forth and spoke a powerful word during it. Pastor Tom spoke this week, loved his preaching. Right before began his message, he started off saying how they want to start reaching the next generation more fervently, and how they want the 20 and 30 something's to stand up and start leading. Right then...I was like OK God, I get it. It's time....it's my time to start giving, and using the gifts you've given me. So after the service, I actually asked someone to introduce me to the person in charge of the youth. They brought me over to him, his name is Matthew. I was nervous, I was actually stepping out and doing this. That was huge for me. I know I feel ready to step out and do this, I guess I've just been afraid. So I've overcome this spirit of fear and have been doing all these things in obedience. Like I said, He's definitely been stretching me.

OK back to Matthew.....I asked him to tell me about their teens/youth group. He told me right now they have anywhere from 15-20 kids ranging from 13 up to about 18. He said they're in the process of trying to reform things and are open for new ideas. They get together on Wednesday nights starting at 7. He told me to come by and hang out with all of them. AWESOME!

Right before this conversation, I sat and talked to the woman I mentioned earlier, who is the very new believer. I got to minister to her and share part of my testimony. Before you know it, scripture was just flying out of my mouth. Ever have that happen, then after you're like, oh wow, I didn't even know I knew that? (obviously it's Him) She started going around telling people that you're going to see me preaching to woman and leading sometime soon. LOL

It's just so hard to believe. Less then a year ago I was sitting in bars, stupid drunk, night after night. Now He's calling me to step in on a youth program and work with teens and also to be a mentor to hurting woman. I feel like He's calling me to step in and reform things, and I strongly feel He wants me to suggest an outreach into the inner city in Troy. WOW! God has changed me SO much SO quick and has done so much work in me. I'm totally amazed and sorta feel like, wow who am I???

Tonight I'm going to meet with Matthew and Jason and sit in for their youth group. I can't wait. I'm kind of nervous but I know it's going to be awesome. I can't believe it! I'm stepping out, I'm finally doing this! Part of me is going to miss Grace Fellowship, as that's where my mom and sister go. But that's OK, I never really felt rooted there anyway. Another part of me keeps worrying about the fact that there's not a good number of young adults at this new church. I can't let these things discourage me though. God has provided many amazing friendships that I have right now so I'm all set in that area. He'll continue to provide all the people I need, I trust that.

So everyone, here's my church story. A lot of you have been asking, and I haven't had a chance to meet up with many of ya's, and it was way too much to email. I figured this would be the best way, to post it on here for you all to read. Thanks everyone for all of your prayers regarding this. I'll let ya'll know how tonight goes with the teens. And I've also had people ask if I was going to blog my prophecy, so I'll add that on here too. I typed this whole thing up really quick and it's super rough draft, so I hope it makes sense.

I'm just so excited about what God's doing in my life right now. I probably shouldn't be speaking too soon since I've only gone to this church twice, but I really feel a peace about it. But I am still praying to make sure it's where He wants me for 100% sure.


Here's the word I received that Sunday:

I Feel like the Lord has given me something for you.
I feel like there’s some pages turning in your life and some new chapters about to be written for you
And God’s given you real endurance in your life, you have to weather some storms. You’ve been through some storms but there’s a renewing of your life. That’s really what I sense, is that Gods saying, "I’m going to pour fresh life into you." You’re not to look back, don’t look at the wind and the waves. Right now you’re still walking something out that’s very real, but Jesus is saying, "Fix your eyes on me; I’m going to give you things you don’t have right now. I’m going to give you fortitude I’m going to give you strength I’m going give you determination, I’m going give you focus, I’m going to clarify your focus so that you can see me in a new dimension, and in a new way."
And from that, there’s going to be tremendous comfort. I see the comforter just coming to you and bringing…there are some things that your soul just needs right now. And God’s just going to pour into your life, dear sister. God’s just going to pour into your life with renewing. And I just see in the days to come, such a trophy of grace in your life, and a testimony. Kind of like the chapter 11, you being able to say, "I came through this, and you can come through this." I see you as a coach in the spirit of the Lord. As an exhorter and coaching and mentoring and speaking with tremendous faith and with line upon line of principles in your life.
I don’t know if you see yourself doing that now in any capacity?
But I see maturity and growth and refining coming into you. And I see in a relatively short amount of time your life is so changing that you’ll back and stand amazed at what Jesus is doing in your life.

AMEN!

T&A

T&A = Tara and Angela....WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Sicko's!

just more pix from the party...

This past weekend...

Deb, Sara (birthday girl), Angela, me, Maureen

This past weekend was crazy non-stop. But in a good way.

My first night on register at Angie B's on Friday was a success. In fact, I loved it! It was great because she got to see first hand, just how not smart I am. I have minimal common sense smarts. People think I make stuff up because I want to look cute.....but Angela saw that it's truly genuine. I'm totally not saying that to put myself down either. Anyone who knows me knows that I laugh at myself for the dumb crap I say and do. I love how she totally called me out on all of it too. I love people who aren't afraid to make fun of me. Is that weird?

Saturday morning I got up early, Christi-anna and her mother came and met me at my apartment, then we picked up our friend Lisa and went to a woman's breakfast at Victory Christian (Ang's church). Got done around 12:30, dropped everyone off, then had to go shopping for my friend Sara's surprise birthday party that afternoon. By this point, I was crazy tired and delirious and was walking around the store having no idea what to get her. I finally got some ideas, then decided while I was up in Latham, I might as well go grocery shopping to get that done and over with. I got home, was running around, putting stuff away, and trying to rip and burn 10 Cd's that were part of Sara's gift, plus write out her card and put her gift together in a bag. Ran out the door to meet Angela at Angie B's for 5 to leave for Crossgates Mall to set up for the party to start at 5:45.

Angela planned this surprise party, and it was an amazing idea, she should seriously be a party planner (with all her extra time). Crossgates will NEVER be the same after Saturday. She planned a scavenger hunt. She went around to 24 different stores earlier last week and found items in each store for people to find. She broke everyone up into teams of three, and gave them the clue sheet and a disposable camera. They had to go into the store and find what she had on the clue sheet and then have the people working in that store take their picture. The goal was to get the craziest pictures. All of those pics are going to be developed and that's going to be part of Sara's gift from Angela. How cool is that??

But the funniest part, was that we had the actual gathering/party in the food court. So Ang and I were walking in with tons of bags, and a cake, and SHE MADE ME CARRY THE BALLOONS. I wanted to kill her. I think I hit like ten people in the head walking in with them because my hands were full, I couldn't control them. So we went all the way in the back, and set up with all decorations, balloons, streamers, etc. We had no idea whether or not we would get kicked out or not. Then we went back out to the car to get Ang's guitar. Yes, we got stared at A LOT during all of this. Sara got there around 6. She walked in, saw everyone there, and ran back out. HAHA Of course she came back though. So after the initial shock and Sara giving hugs to everyone, we all hung out for a little while and had cake (which Ang made) Then Angela played the song that she had written that morning for Sara. At this point, outside observers had NO idea what the think. Someone is in the food court with their guitar singing, with balloons, cake, streamers, party hats. AND WE'RE ALL ADULTS!!

So then everyone went on the scavenger hunt. I sat back with Ang and Justin. No, I'm not boring. I'm just more of an observer type then I am participator. I get more out of watching people. It went well, there were only a few stores that wouldn't allow anyone to take pictures, and I believe there were a few stores that people got cursed out in too. Oops. But, it was a success!! Sara was blessed and she LOVED it. We didn't get kicked out or arrested.

Angela, awesome idea.

Deb, great job social coordinating.

Sara, I'm sure you will NEVER forget this party. :)

My birthday is on the 28th of this month...I'm kinda scared of what's in store for me. I hate surprises, but Angela assured me she doesn't care. So I better get ready....

Oh yeah, I just realized I left out Sunday....yay I found my new church! More details to come..But you can check it out, www.rlgc.org

No Pony Legs

How pregnant do I look in this shirt? About 6 months?

Freddie n Ang, NO pony legs in this one.

I have a reason I'm posting nearly daily pix for a while.....and no one's going to know the reason. Maybe some day soon I'll reveal?